You were born an idiot. You'll always be an idiot. You will die an idiot.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let us move onto my summer movie choices and their idiot-worthy reviews. If you're expecting intelligent commentary a la Siskel & Ebert then it's time for you to move on. Nothing to see here, folks! Please drive thru.

Now, as you know, this summer was a bit of a financial hardship for many, many, many people. I for one will give up many things, even beer, when things are tight moneywise, but I will not give up my intarwebs, DirecTV, and Star magazine with the weekly all-you-can-eat asian buffet ('cuz I'm a needy bish like dat, yo! serio!).  When you're po'h, Top Ramen is your bestfriend!

This whole summer, while everyone else was off forking over $10.50 to see such major blockbusters like Iron Man, Hancock (I said "han-cock". jeh! jeh! jeh!), Indiana Jones (was it part 10?), The Love Guru (it came out?), The Incredible Hulk and Dark Knight (someone send me the DVD when it comes out, kgraciasthxobrigadamuchos!), I spent it with the Tivo remote in hand and lots of gout-inducing munchies. Ow.

The best channels at the moment to watch on any cable/satellite provider is as follows: TBS. USA. IFC. Flix. Sundance. SciFi. AMC. Chill. If you don't know any of these, please make sure to change the foil on your 13" black and white TV's antennas. Pendejos.

The following movies that I will be idiot-reviewing come straight to you from the one and only IFC. Independent Film Channel. It was a Friday night, I had nothing else better to do, and these damn movies are still stuck in my head 3 months later! Now it's your turn.